I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you win again, gameday.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
