Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
