how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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