AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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