I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
