She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize