well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
