Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
