my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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