Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
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After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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