Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
