I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
