dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
