i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
