I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
