It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
