If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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