You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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