Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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