We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
