I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
