you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
