am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
