Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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