Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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