Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
