I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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