Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
