They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
