Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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