I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
