Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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