You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
