ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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