Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
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Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Naked. naked and bneed help.
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