She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
