Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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