I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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