your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
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