Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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