Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
