to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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