He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
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