So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
