so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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