I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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