how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Floor bacon is actually really good
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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