Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
