careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
