Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
