dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
