but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
