wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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