I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
