I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
