thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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