Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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