This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
