he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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