ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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