It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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