was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
