I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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