I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
